Post-Prom Confusion

My Prom birthday party was this past weekend. It was a blast! People really got in to it. One friend wore an original prom dress from the 80s. Another friend came in an over-the-top version of a powder blue tux … think powder blue matador! No joke!

I wore a classy black dress with a pink flower at the waist. It was strapless, defined at the waist, with a swingy A-line skirt. I absolutely loved it! I felt beautiful, sophisticated, and sexy. I did play up the prom part, too, with a couple of fake silver and pink tattoos, sparkly hair clips, and some glitter on my fingernails. What better time to bring on the glitter?!

I felt confident as I chatted with my guests, handed out prizes for superlatives (including tackiest prom dress!), was crowned Prom Queen, and danced the night away. It was pure fun!

Afterward, however, I found myself having mixed feelings. Some of the details weren’t exactly what I’d hoped for. But that wasn’t the real issue. It was the pictures. Some of them were great. Beautiful. Others, though … not so good.

I know that photos are a snapshot of a millisecond in time and are by no means a reflection of reality.

But it’s still shocking sometimes to see myself from certain angles. Do I really look like that?? Really?? Have I really put on some of the weight again? Really?? I don’t feel the way I look. How can I feel so much like a new (thinner) person – a new version of myself – and still look like the old me?

Well, maybe that’s just it. I have indeed come a long way. But I’m still me. I’m a concoction of all my experiences. You don’t just let go of the old stuff just like that. But by no means does it negate all the work I’ve done. It does not have to take away from how far I’ve come. The journey is not a straight and steady one. It has twists, turns, U-turns, bumps, hills to go up, and hills to go down. And yes, there are even some nice, smooth stretches. Those parts feel great, but you can’t stay on those stretches forever. It’s the bumps and turns that teach us and remind us what we are truly wanting.

So where does that leave me? I’ll start by looking only at the pictures I love. I’ll continue by focusing on the feelings: if it feels good, stick with it; if it doesn’t, make a change. That sounds simple enough, but it takes a lot of awareness. And then how to make a change to get out of the bad feeling? I like to take a deep breath and then blow it out with gusto. It’s a powerful tool, as you let the negative thoughts go out with the breath. Then look for positive thoughts. Not always easy. Like anything else, it takes practice. Practice, practice, and more practice….

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Inspiration

Okay, I was just writing about how I’m looking for some new inspiration. Well, yesterday, I got it!!

I was having lunch with a friend and told her that I was thinking about having a belated celebration for my 40th birthday (which was last December). The holidays were just so busy, I couldn’t fit it in. But now it’s spring and the sun is shining and the flowers are blooming, and I am SO ready to be done with winter!! What better thing to do than have a party?! So my friend told me about how she celebrated her 40th, and I was immediately on board! I’m throwing myself a party. But not just any party. I’m throwing a prom night!! Funny thing is, I never went to prom (long story). So other than the versions I’ve seen on TV and in movies, I’m not even sure what that looks like! But I am super excited! I’m inviting friends and family from near and far. I don’t expect the ones from afar to make it, but then again, you never know! And since it’s prom, everybody better come all dolled up and ready to dance! As I was dancing tonight (have I mentioned that is my preferred form of exercise??), I was grinning from ear to ear, making a mental list of all the fun songs I want the DJ to play 🙂 This is going to be one super fun celebration! Oh yeah, and of course I’ll need a new dress! Now that is some pretty great inspiration to stay on track!!