Release

Something huge has just hit me.

I’m a firm believer in the mind-body-spirit connection. I believe (thanks to Louise Hay) that when our bodies are in any kind of “dis-ease” (as she calls it), it is trying to tell us something. (See her book You Can Heal Your Life.)

About four years ago I sprained my back lugging a suitcase out of the back of my car when I was 6 weeks pregnant. Ever since, I have lived with intermittent pain in my low back. It’s one of the reasons I continued to do yoga, see a chiropractor, and get regular massages. And then my chiropractor suggested I  try Pilates to strengthen my core and take some of the load off of my back. And then my Pilates instructor and my massage therapist suggest I go to physical therapy to find out what was really going on and get some more specific help. That was about 5 months ago.

I was also working with an essential oil blend called “Release” from Young Living. I had started using it to help release my negative beliefs that I believed contributed to my negative feelings about my body. But as I worked on my back, I realized how much I needed to release that, too.

Yesterday during Pilates, I did some of the exercises recommended by the PT. And for the very first time, they were easy, and there was NO pain. Now that’s not to say that it’s gone forever. I’m still going to do my stretches and strength exercises (also because they just feel good in general).

But here’s the connection: It is also the same day that I took charge and decided NOT to do the detox. Ever since that moment, I have felt a new sense of calm. And a stronger sense of empowerment.

Because I didn’t go on the usual emotional roller coaster to make the decision. I heard the old arguments in my head (“don’t be a failure” – “what will your chiropractor say?” – “you can’t give up, because you were so ready to brag about what your were doing!” – and on and on). The words were there, but the strong negative emotion was not. I took charge and made the decision that was right for ME.

And in making that move, there must have come a big release in my physical self, too. Which is why my back felt better than it has in years!

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Taking Charge

After I got back from Florida, I was feeling really lost. When I mentioned to someone that I had been logging my food, she said I sounded so BORED. Huh. I hadn’t expected that. So I’ve been asking for some guidance. What to do? How to move forward??

One thing that has been crossing my path is the idea of learning more about what’s in my food. Starting to cut out processed foods. Looking at more whole, natural foods.

When I saw my chiropractor a few days later, I updated her on all this, and she said she thought I might be ready for a detox. I was so gung-ho about the idea, I decided to just go for it. (I really trust my chiropractor and her extraordinary intuitions.) As she worked on me during that sessions, one of the things she spoke of was taking charge.

So I started the detox this morning. It’s 2 shakes and a healthy meal from a list of foods.

OH, NO. She had warned me it might not taste good, but I was not prepared. It wasn’t so much the taste, but the texture. I was literally gagging on it. I somehow managed to get the whole thing down, but it was soooo unpleasant. And then I felt a little nauseated afterward. I thought if I followed a recipe for the shake mixed with fruit and almond milk instead of plain water it might help. NOPE. Same reaction.

As I sat there staring at the dreaded shake, I normally would have a huge battle within myself about failure and self-criticism. That popped up a bit. But what it really came down to: I can’t see how gagging over a drink is good for me. Even if the benefits of that shake should be great, it’s not going to do me much good if it triggers my gag reflex with every single swallow.

So instead of warring with myself and feeling like a failure, I decided to take charge, just like my chiro had said. This is MY life, MY journey. And I’m in the driver seat. Maybe this detox would have been good for me? I’ll never know, because I’m just not doing it. I am not going to put myself through that kind of torture. Right now, this simply is not the direction I want to take.

I feel empowered. I feel strong and confident. I do not feel like a failure.

So what next? Well, we’ll see. I still want to make healthy changes. Just using a different method….