It was one year ago today when I decided I’d had enough. And what a year it’s been! There have been plenty of ups and downs. As the year was coming to an end, I even faced a great deal of fear: What if it doesn’t last? What if I revert to old patterns? What if I gain back the weight?
I believe I am finally over that hump. I know there will be further obstacles for me to overcome, but at least there, I think I can finally move forward with confidence again.
I know now how important it is to be kind to myself. Every time I say … think … feel a negative thought about myself – about my body – I take a deep breath, let it out, and replace it with a positive thought of appreciation. At least, I try to. It isn’t always easy. But what a difference it makes.
I also know that I have done so much of the emotional work. It wasn’t just physical weight I was carrying around with me all these years. It was the emotional weight that had to go before I could begin to lose the physical weight. I believe that has been the real key to my success.
Finally, I have my supports in place. My chiropractor, my acupuncturist, my Pilates instructor, my massage therapist. These people do much more than just physical work with me. They are my confidantes. I can call on them for help when I need support, encouragement, or deeper help with my emotional issues. I have family and friends I can turn to as well. And most importantly: I’m no longer afraid to reach out for help when I need it. I know that I am not alone. I know that these people are not here to judge me or put me down. They love me. They support me. And they want to see me happy, just as I want to see them happy.
Most of all, I am grateful. I have such a rich life, I am sometimes reduced to tears of overwhelming gratitude just to think of it all. And I am grateful for this extraordinary body that I have. I love the way it feels now. (I was recently on an airplane in the middle seat, and I actually did not feel self-conscious about being too big and accidentally spilling over into the seat next to me!) I love the confidence I have gained in this new body. I could go on and on! But it is late. And I also know that I need my sleep 🙂